tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-294734032024-03-12T22:27:15.817-04:00hipppychickthe musings of the depressed woman.hipppychickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00370644793494341780noreply@blogger.comBlogger43125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29473403.post-78492189802074069252009-10-26T13:00:00.002-04:002009-10-26T14:17:04.072-04:00so...so...this mornings post had really been building up in me for awhile.<br />had a good doc visit this am...but was unusual for one main reason.<br />he can't help me anymore.<br />essentially that's it.<br />i'm at a point where i'm the only one who can help me.<br />i've even turned therapy into a crutch.<br />you see...my problem lately has been inaction.<br />i've come to define myself as a depressed person.<br />and because of that...i don't know how else to be.<br />most specifically i've developed habits (bad ones) that keep me immovable.<br />what used to be a satiating ritual no longer holds pleasure or even brings contented distraction.<br />and that includes therapy.<br />by giving me instruction/homework or things to "work" on...he gives me motivation to act. but its still an outside source...and though its nearly weekly, doesn't linger the way i always wish it did.<br /><br />anyway...i still love him, he's my psychologist..what can i do? lol<br />the point being...<br />the time for action has come.<br /><br />writing has always made me feel better.<br />though not nearly as accomplished or fun to read as my friends, right now this is more for me.<br />hopefully i can follow in their learned footsteps and become a beacon of literary inspiration.<br />and i'm not even kidding...you're writing has and always will be a source of inspiration.<br /><br />i'll try and get to the list i mentioned a little later today.hipppychickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00370644793494341780noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29473403.post-73750763397987463772009-10-26T04:11:00.002-04:002009-10-26T04:49:31.742-04:00can't sleepcan't sleep...found myself starting to write on facebook, but that's a really bad idea. should probably go ahead and take down at least part of what i wrote already. can't have the folks from work reading too much into what i say...oh, yes dear friends...there are spies on facebook. never have any doubt that big brother is watching and recording what you say, do and/or support.<br />scary shit, really...but not surprising i guess.<br />so, like i said...<br />i can't sleep.<br />i know its because my lazy ass didn't do a goddamn thing today but sit on the fuckin couch and watch supernatural...but its also because my fucking head won't shut up. it never does.<br />funny thing is, the less i do...sitting around unproductive, the noisier it gets. you'd think this would kick a girl in the ass and get her into action, wouldn't you?<br />not me.<br />am i too stubborn? maybe.<br />lazy? probably.<br />scared? a little.<br />in pain? yes.<br />full of excuses? holy shit yes!...i'm the queen of excuses lately.<br /><br />as much as i hate to admit it....i think i'm in another depression.<br />my mom commented as such...but its true that the signs haven't all been the same.<br />the big theme right now, though, is inaction.<br />but, then again...that's been a theme throughout this bought.<br />i'm at a critical point.<br />i'm horribly horribly unhappy.<br />i know what i need to do to fix this.<br />yet i don't let myself do it.<br />i try and fall back on old excuses..some of which still work, but most of which are absolute bullshit.<br />what i have to do is really scary for me, somehow.<br />i'm full of fear.<br />fear has never been a part of my depression before.<br />i think its because i've come so far and done so much work that the things that i have left are the most scary to me...<br />why are they most scary?<br />because they go the deepest.<br />and probably because i'm at the point where i really need to expose myself and reveal what my weaknesses really are and ask for help.<br />i don't mean mental help, i love my psychologist and all the professionals who've helped me over the years...<br />i need my friends. i need new friends, old friends...<br />and i need to reveal myself and ask for help.<br />i just don't know how.<br />i'm afraid of burdening them, i'm afraid of driving them away with my pathetic problems while they have families and lives with problems of their own to work through.<br />i'm afraid that i'll sap all the happiness from a room, but in all honesty...its the time spent with my friends, no matter how long or involved..even just being amongst them, that makes me the most happy..or at least clear-headed and content.<br />i don't want to bring everyone down with my crying.<br />i don't know that all of my friends realize that my crying is a reflex. it happens when i talk about something that's frustrating or makes me angry..or thats close to my heart. i don't do it to seek attention or get pity or to have others feel sorry for me.<br />my friend harry is the only one who gets mad at me. lol.<br />it does wonders for me thought, it really helps...he just doesn't see what's so bad that it can't be conquered.<br />its not that he doesn't understand or even empathize..he does...its just his way of making me see that the problems i have aren't one's that I can't tackle.<br />I'm good enough, i'm smart enough and gosh-darnit people like me! lol<br /><br />even now part of me doesn't want to publish this post.<br />it exposes too much.<br /><br />But you know, I've wondered before if that really is part of my problem.<br />I don't lay myself all out there. I get mad at feeling alone, but who is it that tucks away parts of herself so as not to gain too much attention? me.<br />had this whole conversation with my therapist and it was strange to finally see a bit of a root to my problem i've created.<br />there was a time in my life that i stopped calling attention to myself in my words and deeds because it meant conflict. that's the simplest way to put it.<br />so, i tucked away my emotions and made being invisible (for lack of a better term) and non-confrontational my job. the way something impacted me wasn't important. the way i felt about a situation, injustic or opinion wasn't important....especially if it conflicted directly with a person or called attention to myself to the point where i'd have to defend a belief or action.<br />there's a balance between all these things. its good to learn to stand up for yourself and when to acquiesce.<br />beliefs in general were never a problem...but situations that affected me alone...the way i felt about myself or the way i felt about others...i never said a peep.<br />even now some of this sounds like excuses...but for lack of a better way to explain it all...<br />i stopped putting myself first and it became habit.<br /><br />nowadays...i've worked through alot of the crap.<br />i've come really far and i can be proud.<br />but i'm still not happy.<br />in fact, i feel worse than i have in a very long time.<br />why?<br />because, in essence, i'm not happy with myself.<br />i don't know who i am, in alot of ways.<br />i've denied myself years of doing the things that i love, the things that made me feel complete...and for what?<br />i couldn't tell you.<br />i've tortured myself for absolutely no good reason.<br />i've lost much of myself.<br />i feel lost.<br />but most of all i feel alone.<br />i know that in many ways i've cut myself off from people.<br />i've shut down.<br />now that i've figured so much out, all i have left is....what?<br /><br />its time for reinvention.<br />but i'm scared.<br />to death.<br />and i know that i can't succeed alone.<br />i need to reach out and let people in.<br />i can't be afraid anymore to let people see me.<br />its only by weeding out those that don't like you that you can find those who'll love you.<br />can't find anyone if you don't let anyone see.<br />and most importantly...no one can like you very much when you don't like yourself.<br />and i don't like myself right now.<br />at all.<br /><br />i started a list the other night while sitting at a bar having a drink by myself.<br />i think i'll post it...kind of a "things mariah is" and "things mariah wants to be"...maybe i'll do a list of likes and dislikes too...that's always illuminating.<br />sometimes i forget what i like and dislike.<br />i'm so ingrained in bad, depressing habits...it all become numbing.<br />well that shit ain't workin no more.<br />lol<br />its true.<br />the things that used to pacify my depression...that i used as excuses and are ingrained as habit...used to work...<br />they don't anymore.<br />i see through them.<br />this is a good thing...and has taken years of hard work on my part.<br />i'm really fuckin' proud of that.<br />but back to square one...<br />its scary.<br /><br />now i'm just repeating myself.<br />welcome to my brain.<br />lol.<br />as my mom proves in conversation and as i prove in my head..."we really know how to beat a dead horse, don't we kid?"...lol. yeah, momma...i know we do.<br /><br />time to bury this horse and let the pony have the pasture to frolic.<br />:)hipppychickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00370644793494341780noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29473403.post-81066408406157332392009-06-25T20:31:00.002-04:002009-06-25T20:37:16.830-04:00emersionSo, i've had this blog for quite some time and haven't really used it for much. So often, when i should've plastered my thoughts and problems on its pages, i've opted for silence. This is mostly because<br />1. I'm lazy and<br />2. I'm scared to share that much of myself.<br /><br />I'm going to attempt to emerge from the self-absorbed haze in which I've lived for so long. I think that airing my feelings/thoughts ectetera may help.<br /><br />I'm sure that you, my friends who may glance at my writing, know more about me than I realize. You've probably realized how self-absorbed I am for awhile. I've never wanted to admit how very true this is...but its something I'm trying to accept. and to change.<br /><br />I've not always been this way. In some ways, while moving forward, i must move back in time and rediscover the qualities about myself that i like.<br /><br />This is not a well-written blog, but i hope to get better as I go along. For most, it'll probably be confusing. But hey..that's my brain, welcome to it.<br /><br />stay tunedhipppychickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00370644793494341780noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29473403.post-55256274916856451612009-03-27T01:46:00.001-04:002009-03-27T01:49:57.761-04:00<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7E3q-uEetIv0oypf44Li2tDMteMAnYq4nvquIyzbw8qYoLRHPBs5fpr-m-KfIkidYOtilJUuWpWpUUbvAwrTARoym5ik_Ybexo3vK-LRuuR50PEVDn8b50lWOMtliInFVzSrE/s1600-h/black_ribbon_300.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5317740033835326274" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 300px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7E3q-uEetIv0oypf44Li2tDMteMAnYq4nvquIyzbw8qYoLRHPBs5fpr-m-KfIkidYOtilJUuWpWpUUbvAwrTARoym5ik_Ybexo3vK-LRuuR50PEVDn8b50lWOMtliInFVzSrE/s320/black_ribbon_300.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div align="center">In Remembrance</div><div align="center"><em><strong>Amanda Amos</strong></em></div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left">Words cannot express the loss that the world has experienced with this young woman's passing</div>hipppychickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00370644793494341780noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29473403.post-15066829421149758712008-08-26T02:15:00.002-04:002008-08-26T02:18:13.112-04:00Frisco<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZ0sXep7rvIckqZxFxVGuN-WA_qGn0Cc9CbD6TqTcvb0G1UaF_e8_MYIdS7E515hwNkN5Wf7co-EqBuYO025MV6hNK6AJqIHMfVwZWYS2vm-VosWecGgkZMBTbnS8X59Aize1L/s1600-h/frisco+camping.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5238706815321176274" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZ0sXep7rvIckqZxFxVGuN-WA_qGn0Cc9CbD6TqTcvb0G1UaF_e8_MYIdS7E515hwNkN5Wf7co-EqBuYO025MV6hNK6AJqIHMfVwZWYS2vm-VosWecGgkZMBTbnS8X59Aize1L/s320/frisco+camping.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>I just wanted to share with the people I care about and those who loved him that Frisco is no longer with us. He passed away tonight in his Momma's arms, peaceful and serene. He's once more up and running, pushing open bathroom doors in heaven, embarrassing God while he's on the pot. </div><br /><div>lol</div><br /><div>That's my boy.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I'll miss him always.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div>hipppychickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00370644793494341780noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29473403.post-6476449565558727622008-08-16T23:19:00.002-04:002008-08-16T23:48:39.598-04:00...keep on swimming...keep on swimming...so many things have occured over the last two years that I feel i'm a different person than the one who left richmond to pursue a new career path. not only has my education expanded and my career changed, i've changed.<br /><br />being back in richmond, i've barely seen my friends. they all have lives of their own and are busy folks, but thats no excuse. i've been hiding from them, afraid somehow, to show them who i am. (though loving thoughts of them are always near to my heart)<br />i'm still much of the same person, but i've come to the realization that i don't fully share myself with those who care about me and whom i care for.<br /><br />yes, much of this time i've still been living in my head, wasting energy on circular thought processes. wasting time and energy wallowing in thought, denying the action which could lead to the fruition of the thoughts and dreams i spend so much time agonizing over.<br /><br />why do i deny myself so?<br /><br />i don't like myself much. i've changed, yes. but not in ways that would necessarily make me better or worse. just different. i have a different perspective than i did.<br /><br />i'm aware that part of this roller coaster of thought and emotion is due to my mental disorder. i'm bipolar II. emtional swings with a tendency to be depressed rather than manic. though i'm sure those close to me know this or have figured it out, i've never expressed it to them. this is a large part of the reason i keep myself closed off to my friends. i know they'd be there to support me, but i feel like a burden. too needy at times and ultimately a drain on their own mentality. perhaps i'm assuming too much, but its how i feel. basically, its another way of not allowing them to be aware of what i'm going through and even letting them get the chance to offer help.<br /><br />this is why i see a therapist. lol. and yes, now that i'm back in richmond, i'm looking for a new one.<br />soon, i'll be back under the safe umbrella of professional counseling. lol.<br /><br />so, its time for change, people.<br />and i have to try and embrace it.hipppychickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00370644793494341780noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29473403.post-10280446925177029532008-02-09T19:29:00.001-05:002008-02-09T20:12:09.855-05:00hell of a weekso...haven't written in awhile, again. haven't had the best time the last couple of weeks.<br />but knowing that my friends and family always have me in their prayers helps.<br />School is going ok...always feel like i could do better with grades, but i'm passing and in all honesty thats all i really care about. start my new job next friday. i'm nervous, a little scared. but the people seem really nice and say they're excited to have me. so...i'm sure i'll be fine.<br />got to play with sheep and pigs the last couple of weeks. got some good pics, once i get them developed i'll make them available.hipppychickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00370644793494341780noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29473403.post-78640317370386746502008-02-01T18:44:00.000-05:002008-02-01T18:45:48.740-05:00Yay-bia!Check it out!<br /><br /><a href="http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/d3eec7a705">http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/d3eec7a705</a>hipppychickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00370644793494341780noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29473403.post-4932979497115387772008-01-25T19:42:00.000-05:002008-01-25T20:33:45.397-05:00the latest..and best...news from the western (virginia) front<div>This past monday I had a job interview. It went well.<br />So well in fact, that I got a call Thursday and was offered the job!<br />So...starting February 8th I start part time at Earlysville Animal Hospital in Earlysville, Virginia. I'll be working any Friday that I don't have class. Once I graduate, I'll immediately switch to full time.<br />I'm really excited, but really nervous. lol<br /><br />So...if you're curious about where I'm gonna end up...check out their website.<br /><a href="http://www.earlysvilleanimalhospital.com/">http://www.earlysvilleanimalhospital.com/</a></div><br /><div></div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmcE-NQ0-atkiBFrkj2O-nhoFAFsEY_0oUkQqKIa6C3UTKh7a-6qENZLIKBC2JrVt4fUP2UH2dROdXsGc_9wJd1h6su8jhaU61viPuyC1RyvnH6Si1juLryhalblDi9CLfM6VB/s1600-h/329bfb3f-7f00-0001-76b5-6c1408e9f56b.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5159592342191055378" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmcE-NQ0-atkiBFrkj2O-nhoFAFsEY_0oUkQqKIa6C3UTKh7a-6qENZLIKBC2JrVt4fUP2UH2dROdXsGc_9wJd1h6su8jhaU61viPuyC1RyvnH6Si1juLryhalblDi9CLfM6VB/s320/329bfb3f-7f00-0001-76b5-6c1408e9f56b.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div><a href="http://www.earlysvilleanimalhospital.com/"></a></div>hipppychickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00370644793494341780noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29473403.post-87435284949199942902008-01-18T15:12:00.000-05:002008-01-20T17:12:37.943-05:00boardsyes, today was the day. the National veterinary Technician Examination was held today in beautiful weyers cave, va. College was closed yesterday due to the copious amounts of snow we got (which was goregous to sit and watch all day long...we got at least 4 inches...huge soft flakes fell almost all day thursday)so i was able to get plenty of rest. Today started out well enough. I was up early (had to be at school by 7:30ish) my car was totally covered in snow so i went out early to start her up and clean her off. that went fine...i was on time...then i left for school.<br />did ok on the first part of the driveway. then came the first hill...always tough, even in good weather. i cut the wheel just a tad to get around the curve and just my luck the rear end slips just enough to get caught in the soft snow at the edge of the road. thought i could get it out...but, no such luck. i was stuck. so here i was 7:20 or so...no time to work on it...i had to get to school. luckily libby (my landlady) was on her way to work. her little cabriolet makes it through those roads without a problem (of course, she's been driving them for 25 years)<br />anyway...i left the car and libby took me to school. needless to say i was in a bit of a pissy mood.hipppychickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00370644793494341780noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29473403.post-36727892368142458142008-01-17T11:54:00.000-05:002008-01-17T12:03:47.893-05:00SNOW!after my alarm went off this morning...i was still lounging in bed...coughing of course, though i am feeling a little better...when libbie's voice floated up the stairs and told me that it was snowing and the college is closed. it was icy tuesday morning too, so i figured it was more of the same and rolled over and went back to sleep awhile. When i woke up a little while later i got up and finally glanced out the window....oh my goodness!....humongous flakes are falling and all i see is white. i went and looked out the back door and there had to be nearly 3 inches piled already and, even now, four hours later, its still coming down. its gorgeous.<br />ok...so this wasn't my best writing...lol..but...maybe i need a nap to let my brain work on something better...hahaha.hipppychickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00370644793494341780noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29473403.post-20692463734615034992008-01-13T20:24:00.000-05:002008-01-13T20:33:24.794-05:00i'm sickyuck!<br />i'm sick.<br />well..started in at the gym this week..went 3 days straight...started coughing a little. figured it was because i don't drink enough water combined with my body not being used to exercise as well as the exercise-induced asthma i can get. but yesterday...ugh...it hit hard. its not just a cough and wheeze...its sick...yuck.<br />mucus is an amazing substance.<br />been coughing so much i think Frisco is getting worried. he's laying here staring at me...as he usually does..but i'm sure he looks much more concerned than usual..if i keep coughing...i might forget to feed him.hipppychickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00370644793494341780noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29473403.post-91631820384051909512008-01-09T06:54:00.000-05:002008-01-09T06:59:35.119-05:00Do you believe in magic?^click here^<br /><br />It's Canadian...what can you say?hipppychickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00370644793494341780noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29473403.post-38992253192735754682008-01-08T18:15:00.000-05:002008-01-08T18:25:16.454-05:00heywell school is back underway and interesting as ever. New topics this semester...Large Animal Medicine, Animal Diseases and Microbiology, Zoo,Wildlife and Laboratory Animal Medicine and Hospital Management. Have a line on a job too. As you may know i've got an interest in behavior and there's a referral practice in cville that specializes. my prof told me about it at the end of last semester and again today, told me that they are now actively hiring for a new technician. well, i made the call this afternoon and will be faxing over my resume tomorrow. talked to the practice manager this evening and she said the person leaving was heavily involved in behavior and that is a big plus for me...and them, since i've got a big interest...she said she'd be in contact soon and we'll set up an informal interview and tour, possibly working up to some part time work through this semester to get my foot in the door. she sounded really nice. this could be a great start for me..in practice and in finding out if behavior is really my thing (which i'm pretty sure it is) :Dhipppychickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00370644793494341780noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29473403.post-78855172757426148142008-01-02T14:42:00.001-05:002008-01-02T14:47:34.594-05:00new year...let's try this againok...so...it's bovious that Mariah sucks at this blog thing. to be honest, i had some rough patches through the year and didn't think my thoughts would prove very encouraging to my friends and family, so i didn't write anything down.<br />this year i'm going to focus on myself. my health is in jeopardy and i can't ignore that anymore. so, i'm going to use the "what did i eat today" tool to help track what i eat...if you have to write it down..it helps. i'm taking an exercise class at school, exercise for a grade..that should make me get off my ass. lol. <br />so...here's to 2008...let it be a true year of change.hipppychickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00370644793494341780noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29473403.post-31977231681919423962007-05-10T08:36:00.000-04:002007-05-10T08:48:30.806-04:00i made it!...so far....so...i've made it through my first year of schooling. its still the hardest thing i've ever done and there have been many times i've questioned whether this was a good decision, but..like anything else...it takes me time to really get comfortable in routine. i've discovered...well i've always known i suppose..that i'm really a rather slow learner when it comes to some things...plenty has been hapening with me, i'm sorry i've not been sharing it all with you. <br />i was kind of on the edge regarding my grades here at the end of the semester and was truly worried about whether or not i'd pass one class. in this program, you must pass all classes with a C or better...if you don't, you cannot continue and are out of the program and must request access back in...and then...you have to wait until the proper semester comes around again. so, needless to say its a rather stressful situation if you let yourself get to the point where the final exams determine your grade. i'm determined not to let this happen again. <br />on a more personal note, i've been seeing a guy for about 3 weeks now. we met online, ugh...lol...but have met in person 3 times for dates. He's older than i am, 38, and has much more experience than myself...so i've been a little wary and am taking things rather slowly, i suppose. He really likes me, though, so having never been in this situation before i'm a little overwhelmed at times. haha<br />i feel pathetic about the whole thing, really, but its going well...he's a good guy and i've invited him to come to "prom" with me. if he can, he's going to...i'm at work and should really get to it, so i'll update more later <br />love you guys! hugs to everyone!<br />mariahhipppychickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00370644793494341780noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29473403.post-1171341033003076532007-02-12T23:20:00.000-05:002007-02-12T23:30:33.013-05:00wandering...wanderinghey...yeah, i'm alive, lol...hangin' in there, anyway.<br /><br />this semester is really hard and i've been questioning my decision to come here...deep down i still think its right, but it would've been so much easier to stay and hate my job! lol...just been feeling a little confused, i guess. Had a hell of a week last week...didn't help much in the way of confidence. First, on monday, my transmission goes on the truck..no telling when i'll get it back...hope to hear some good news of a possible, well relatively, "simple" fix...meaning i won't have to replace the ENTIRE transmission. Then, on wednesday...a snow day due to weather...about 4 inches of snow on the ground...my body decides to let loose a freakin' kidney stone...so here i am, no car and in pain and forced to ask my landlady, libby, to interrupt her own snow day to take my butt to the emergency room in harrisonburg, 20 minutes away. So, libby fired up the old cabriolet, skidded around the driveway a bit and we slowly made our way out. Luckily her neighbor had plowed the main driveway so we didn't have as hard a time as we could have. Anyway...i was at the hospital for little more than 4 hours..pretty good in my opinion...it was a kidney stone, by the way...i got a ct scan and they gave my some good drugs and i was sent home with my very own strainer! woohoo!<br /><br /><br /><br />So, i've gotten a little discouraged as of late. I'll turn it around, though, no worries.<br /><br /><br /><br />Hugs and much love to everyone....mariahhipppychickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00370644793494341780noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29473403.post-1170719919638121942007-02-05T18:50:00.000-05:002007-02-05T20:04:57.696-05:00what has she been up to?ok...so i've been slacking on the blog...again...sorry<br />this semester is a real bear! i've got no classes on fridays...but have come to realize that that is so we have a day to tackle all the work we've got.<br />had my first live patient this past thursday...one of my classes focuses mostly on anesthesia, so this lab class was using pre-anesthetic drugs and sedatives. we have to keep a journal for that class, so i've decided to post what i turned in to describe what i did...enjoy!<br /><br />Mariah Hubbs – Group 5b<br />CP1-Lab Journal<br />2.1.07<br /><br /> Our assignments today involved the sedation/tranquilization of one of our SPCA animals here for the semester. Our group was assigned the use of Atropine, Xylazine and Yohimbine. I was very nervous as this would be my very first time injecting an animal and I was not as prepared as I should have been. Assuming the role of anesthetist this time around, I should have re-read the information on the drugs we’d be using and the possible and/or expected effects on the animal. Even in future labs when I’m NOT the anesthetist, I’ll be reading up on them anyway…each member of the team should be familiar with the drugs used and know what to expect/look for during their use.<br />This is an obvious point and one that I really shouldn’t have overlooked. I won’t do that again.<br /> We had Ringo as our patient today. He’s such a sweet dog! I got to school early so that he could have a nice, long walk before his ordeal. My hope was that he’d get some energy spent and therefore be a little tired and more at ease during this mornings PE and procedure. It was a good thought, but I think maybe we had him out too long before our procedure began. He was very wiggly and worked up by the time we started. I’ll have to remember that for next time.<br /> Things started out well, I learned a new fact too. When drawing up liquid drugs from a vial, push a little air into the container first. That’ll help keep the pressure inside the vial in good shape for future users. I also learned the right way to brace/hold a syringe to tap the air bubbles out. It’s amazing how the smallest tips can really change the way you work and the quality of your work too!<br /> Having never performed an injection before, I think I did pretty well once it came time. I could’ve pushed the Atropine SQ injection faster and I need to work on the way I hold the syringe, but Ringo was a trooper and held pretty still for that one. When it came time to give the Xylazine injection, things went well too. Xylazine was an IM injection and after reviewing the proper hold, it went well thought I could’ve delivered it a little faster too. <br /> The most fascinating part of lab today was after the Xylazine injection. While discussing drugs Dr. Hastings mentioned that it’s been reported to produce some personality changes in animals. Well, we were about to see a severe change in Ringo. A few minutes after the injection, he still hadn’t laid down as we expected he would. He tried to walk some and started looking a little dopey. He picked a spot between the eye wash and the corner cabinets to stand. He’d sway a little, his rear legs splayed a bit and his head down. At this point we were wondering when he’d decided to finally lay down, but he didn’t. His breathing and pulse were okay this whole time and Dr. Hastings went toward him to check again when he suddenly curled his lips, snarled and snapped at her. It was an out of the blue reaction. From then, until the reverser drug Yobine was given, he’d curl his lips up and growl whenever Dr. Hastings got too close. The rest of us didn’t venture too close either. It was amazing to see such a drastic change in personality. This sweet, affectionate dog that’d let us poke and prod him quite a bit during physical exam was now bearing his teeth at anyone closer than 3 feet from him. He was obviously fighting the drug the entire time and in order to get our radiograph we had to muzzle him. While on the radiograph table his leg started to shake and twitch and I got nervous, thinking he may be going into seizure or something but he didn’t. <br /> We got our radiograph and took Ringo back into the lab. We laid him on the floor on a towel and he stayed there. By this time it seemed like maybe he was finally giving in, but Dr. Hastings remarked that he was probably starting to come out of it. We shaved a spot on the right foreleg to inject the Yobine IV into. (I learned something here, too…that when shaving and using clippers to turn on the clippers while several feet away from the patient and approach them slowly as the sound can startle them and perhaps trigger unwanted reactions) Upon injection of the Yobine, which again I need to work on my technique, Ringo seemed to almost immediately come around. Within a few minutes he was up and walking around, even starting to nudge Dr. Hastings for some lovin’. <br /> Though it may not have been the greatest experience for Ringo, I was excited to be able to see such a reaction. A wonderful, if extreme, example of what Xylezine can do. Obviously Ringo should not get Xylezine again and it was entered into his record as such.<br />For my first CP1 lab and my first injections working with a live patient was really positive. I felt comfortable working with my teammates and was grateful for Dr. Hastings guidance. I’ll definitely feel more secure for our next lab assignment and look forward to them. Nothing beats practical experience for learning and retaining information. I learned many lessons today and won’t forget them any time soon.<br />Thank you.hipppychickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00370644793494341780noreply@blogger.com68tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29473403.post-1170126253283906592007-01-29T21:18:00.000-05:002007-02-05T20:04:35.776-05:00overexposed...sigh...<br />so, how have i been? interesting question...<br />i'm not sure even i can answer that right now.<br />the weather's been all over the place...cold right now. beautiful, but really windy and FREEZING!hipppychickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00370644793494341780noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29473403.post-1168848561376415112007-01-15T02:51:00.000-05:002007-01-15T03:25:23.470-05:00you call this winter?come on mother nature! give me a break!<br />I want some freakin' snow already...enough with the poor plants in utter confusion and moths fluttering about in january....aaarrrrggghhhh!<br />....<br />that was a freestyle poem i call "mariah rants"....haha<br />....<br />so, peoples...mariah has finally joined the new millenium and got a new phone the other day....its got all the latest featurey things and i don't know how to use any of them...well, not yet anyway.<br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/3886/3141/1600/273294/lg_vx8300.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/3886/3141/400/74218/lg_vx8300.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br />i also upgraded my text messaging to unlimited texts to verizon customers and then some other texts outside of the network...so, feel free to text away at me...i can recieve pics too! (and can send them! i got a camera-phone)<br />all kinds of neato stuff i can do now...<br />hope to hear from you soon!hipppychickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00370644793494341780noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29473403.post-1168302131806908442007-01-08T19:17:00.000-05:002007-01-08T19:22:11.820-05:00Its begun again...Well...classes have started up again...and i've got a cold...yuck <br />This semester is gonna be a doozy...but i can do it!<br />gotta keep a positive vibe goin'...otherwise i'll get discouraged...haha<br />Frisco is well, in case you've wondered...and we both hope you are too!hipppychickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00370644793494341780noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29473403.post-1167964319778905672007-01-04T21:24:00.000-05:002007-01-04T21:31:59.793-05:00a new day draws near...well..monday starts school again. so far, the new year has been quite active!<br />mom came home tuesday, finally!...after 15 days and 6 rooms in 2 different hospitals we're happy to have her home. She's taken off the rest of this week and will be returning to school monday...we'll do our best to be sure she takes it easy for awhile. oddly enough, its the regular arthritis and hip pains that are plaguing her now...lack of movement and meds while in the hospital...her heart is just fine!<br />Frisco and I are back in weyers cave after putting several hundred miles on the explorer over the last few weeks...we know the drive to richmond like the back of our paws! ---not that its all that hard to do..."drive straight"...haha.<br />as for this semester of school, i've got some real doozies for subjects...<br />parasitology, pharmacology and anasthesiology....ouch! needless to say, i'm nervous. it'll really put my old brain to the test! really, though, i'm excited...we're actually going to be doind much more hands-on work with animals this semester and thats where I learn the best!<br />well...all for now...<br />love and hugs to everyone reading!hipppychickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00370644793494341780noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29473403.post-1167698319443032882007-01-01T18:46:00.000-05:002007-01-01T19:38:39.460-05:00Another New Year....well it's here, another new year and with it new opportunity. like many folks, i've got a long list of things i want to change about myself...guess you'd say they were "resolutions" but i hate to think of it like that. lets focus on one item at a time...you know, baby steps. 2006 saw many changes for me...2007 holds even more. I'm 30 years old and know so little about life...along with academic lessons, 2007 holds even more life lessons. Lessons, good & bad, that i welcome with open arms. as far behind in life as i feel at times, i know that for me the best is yet to come. continuing self-awareness and a focus on positive thinking are my guides.hipppychickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00370644793494341780noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29473403.post-1164065420267296972006-11-20T18:07:00.000-05:002006-11-20T21:43:46.873-05:00Sorry...it's been on backorderSo, where did I leave off?<br />Fall Break. October 9 & 10, 2006<br /><br />A girl in my class had the idea to get folks together (a bit of bonding & lots of fun) and go rafting on the Lower Gauley River in West Virginia.<br />She's an outdoorsy girl with rafting experience and her excitement was contagious.<br />I'd never been rafting before, so I was psyched about the trip. The couple of girls I'd become friendly with were kind of interested and we all decided to go together. I was so proud of myself...new friends!...how long has it been?<br />Anyhow...the planning process was a little frustrating but in the end it worked out well. $80 for a nights camping and a 4-5 hour rafting trip including lunch. Can't say it wasn't a great deal!<br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3886/3141/1600/FH000023.jpg"><img style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3886/3141/320/FH000023.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><li><a href="http://www.gauley.com">New & Gauley River Adventures</a></li> is the company we used. They've got all kinds of specials off & on during the season and their guides were REALLY cute!<br />(Here I am staring at our cute guide)<br /><br />We left early Monday morning...our rafting trip was scheduled to leave @ Noon...we left at 7:30am-ish (the professor was late!) It's an easy 3-hour drive to Lansing, WV and turned out to be a pretty one too...but I'm getting a little ahead of myself.<br />After starting out about 20 minutes late we got the caravan going. 3 cars. Me, Sketter (pronounced Skeeter---don't ask me why), her boyfriend Daniel and Caitlyn were in one car. Jenny, Tiffany & her boyfriend (crap, i forgot his name...he's a military guy, though...army) were in another car and Dr. Faulconer (one of our future professors) drove herself - she planned to stay an extra nite.<br />We headed out South on I-81 to get onto I-64 West towards West Virginia. A pretty easy guess..wouldn't you say? Not so for our illustrious leader. As we approached the entrance to 64 Mr. Military guy entered 64 East...the sign plainly said "Richmond". Obviously the wrong way.<br />As you well know, no one can drive as well as me and I have a small problem with keeping opinions about others driving to myself. So, I immediately expressed my displeasure (which was great given our already postponed departure) and proceded to call Tiffany in the car ahead of us. She answered and I told her my worry...that we were going the wrong way and she responded "Good Call"...what? Duh. That's a pretty dumb mistake to make....<br /><strong>sidenote:</strong> later that night Mr. Military tried to make a joke and it backfired. see, none of us could remember what branch of the military he was in and folks kept asking...at one point someone suggested he was a marine. He said, "No way, if I were a Marine I wouldn't be able to read the signs on the way up here."...to which I immediately replied, "Well, you did go the wrong way this morning."...which got a good laugh from everyone...even Mr. Military.<br /><br />....after correcting the directionary mistake (and adding another 15 minutes time) we were finally on our way. By now I was getting worried about getting to WVa on time and was rather ancy when another block tumbled our way....<br />Daniel, Sketters boyfriend and a Great guy I'd soon learn, tends to get car sick and doesn't travel well. On top of which, he gets very nervous and anxious when meeting new people and his stomach responds greatly to all of this. AKA- he needed to go to the bathroom alot. We'd already waited about 10 minutes for him when they picked me up that morning...and now we had to pull off the highway and stop again.<br />It was actually kind of amusing. He's such a nice guy...and we didn't know him well so we didn't want to give him too much shit about his problem. (Sketter explained all of this to us while we were waiting for him) So, we pulled off the highway and called the lead car in our caravan telling her to go ahead without us and we'd catch up...this turned out to be a really good thing because just before we had to pull off I'd begun to complain that the lead car was driving WAY too slow...not even with freakin' traffic! It was making me nuts. As I mentioned, I tend to be very vocally critical of other peoples driving....when i'm alone there's lots of shouting and gestures along with the commentary.<br /><br />When we finally got back on track, it was a really pretty and uneventful drive. The colors were still turning and the mountains were gorgeous. Caitlyn & Daniel slept the whole way. (caitlyn can sleep anywhere!...the girl was practically falling headfirst to the floor sound asleep)<br /><br />We pulled up to New & Gauley River Adventures basecamp a little after 11am. We were supposed to meet the guides at 11:30am to prep for the trip. We quickly picked a camp site and threw up the tents since it'd be sundown by the time we got back. It wasn't horribly hurried, but not the laid-back setting up of camp that most folks are used to.<br /><br />We made a potty pit-stop and headed to the parking lot to meet the guides and have a safety talk. At this point we talked some more about the temperature of the water...the day was gorgeous and the water temp in the 60s...it was then I decided to rent a rafting shirt. Its a waterproof material shirt that slips over your head, has elastic waist and sleever and a velcro enclosure at the neck. Since I had no other shirt protection...just my swimsuit...I thought it better to rent a shirt than take my chances in a cotton t-shirt. Thank goodness I made this decision...i don't think i'd have had such a good time if I hadn't.<br /><br />It's a 40 minute or so bus ride (yes, an ANCIENT school bus smelling strongly of must and mold) to the river site where we'd put in. A nice ride, we chatted and ate trail mix (as most of us hadn't really had a proper breakfast)<br /><p align="left"><img style="WIDTH: 279px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 255px" height="231" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3886/3141/320/raft%20hike%20down.8.jpg" width="242" border="0" /></p><p align="left">After a rather precarious and scary ride up the VERY NARROW mountain roads in the bus we had to disembark and hike about a mile to the river carrying our vests, paddles and hemlets along the way. Luckily we didn't have to carry the boats, another truck was able to get closer down by the river.<br /><br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3886/3141/1600/group%20rafting.0.jpg"><img style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3886/3141/320/group%20rafting.0.jpg" border="0" /></a><br />Our group before rafting...much adventure to come.<br />me, 4 classmates from Blue Ridge, a professor from our program and 2 boyfriends.<br /><br />When it came tome to choose seats on the raft Caitlyn and I ended up in the rear seat nearest to the guide at the back. Of course, AFTER we'd picked seats the guide told us that we were in the seats where people usually get tossed out of the boat. Thanks a bunch! Of course, no one would switch with us...but hey, it's an adventure, right?...We got under way and couldn't have had better conditions..the water was up, meaning we'd have some good rapids (i think thats the logic, anyway)and the sun was shining. Before heading to the first rapid we practiced paddling and turning and learned the calls that the guides use. ("take a break"=stop paddling, "back left/right"=paddle backwards on the left or right side, "all back"=everybody paddle backwards...etc...you get the gist)<br />We seemed to get the hang of things pretty well.<br />Now, during our safety talk and just before getting to the first rapid our guides were adamant about listening to their commands if we were to fall out of the boat while in, or just before, a rapid. Before each rapid they'd tell us which way to swim if we fell out...always emphasizing to swim towards the shore and away from any large rocks...<br />So we headed into our first rapid...we hit a small wave and my stomach jumped a little...this was fun!<br />Then, we hit our first large wave (the first rapid we hit was a class III)...before I knew what happened I had gone feet over head backwards into the water...oh, yeah.<br />The water was COLD. So cold that it took my breath away. All I could think of was what our guide had just said...swim left!!! to avoid the big rock coming up.<br />SO, i swam left. I felt that I was doing pretty good...following directions well...at least I hadn't gone under the freakin' boat!<br />Then, I heard everyone in my boat calling to me...to stop swimming so they could come and get me. Apparently, in my furvor to get to shore I'd unwittingly swam AWAY from my boat which could've picked me up almost immediately after I'd fallen out.<br />great.<br />So,I stopped swimming and continued to catch my breath while starting to worry how in the hell these little people in this huge boat were going to haul my considerable weight out of the water and back into the boat. Well, it turned out well. With considerable effort the guide and two others hauled me in. Talk about THE most graceless moment ever experienced. I don't think i've ever felt more awkward than when trying to figure out where the hell my limbs were and how to use them to traverse this wet, plastic boat. NO ONE can look cool trying to do that. (and I'm nowhere NEAR cool to begin with!)<br />I actually was really relieved to fall out...after it happened once, I wasn't as afraid of it happening and kind of knew what to expect. Staying in the stupid boat is no easy task. My knees and ankles killed me for a few days after.<br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3886/3141/1600/FH000018.0.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3886/3141/320/FH000018.0.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />The rest of the trip had plenty more excitement and TONS of beautiful scenery...by the end I'd fallen out twice, so had Caitlyn and NO ONE else in any of the 3 boats in our group (we had a big boyscout troop from Kentucky with us)had fallen out. We did (many of us) jump from "Orgasm Rock" a huge rock just past some rapids...we had to paddle to the back of the rock and hold the boats together...climb up the rock...yes, i needed a little push from below to get started but I did it!...then jump off. so much fun!!!!<br />Before we jumped the guides explained that the best way to do it was to cross your ankles and cross your arms in front of your chest...well, it was all I could think about...jumping in the right position...well, true to Mariah-form, when it came my turn to jump..just after launching off the rock my brain decided to ignore that good advice and instead I grabbed my nose (what the hell was I thinking?) and splooshed below....pics are below:<br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3886/3141/1600/just%20before%20jumping.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3886/3141/320/just%20before%20jumping.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />Just Before Jumping...<br /><br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3886/3141/1600/rafting%20jump.0.jpg"><img style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3886/3141/320/rafting%20jump.jpg" border="0" /></a><br />Wide shot of my infamous jump from "Orgasm Rock"<br /><br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3886/3141/1600/raft%20jump%20closeup.0.jpg"><img style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3886/3141/320/raft%20jump%20closeup.0.jpg" border="0" /></a><br />Close up of my absolutely fabulously graceful form while jumping...HA!</p><br /><br />Anyhow...it was a GREAT time.<br />We had lunch on a rock in the middle of the river and most of us snoozed on the way back to base camp. We made hobo packs for dinner (ground beef, frozen veggies, potatoes and some spice in foil and chucked into the fire to cook)they were really good! I hadn't had those since girl scouts. We all slept well and had an uneventful trip back the next morning. It was great...some of the girls want to try the Upper Gauley next year. NO FREAKIN' WAY. People die up there...but I'd do the Lower again! I won't be scared to fall out!<br /><br />For more pics check out my snapfish site. If you need the link, email me.hipppychickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00370644793494341780noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29473403.post-1162599524546468812006-11-03T19:09:00.000-05:002006-11-03T19:22:17.360-05:00wow. so, it's been a whilewow.<br />so, it's been a while.<br /><br />my mind is blank.<br />it's not that nothing exciting has happened...in fact, i've got a couple of things that happened today...<br />I recieved one of the Walter Reams Scholarships at school, there was a luncheon thing today.<br />($1500 for next semester) :)<br />I also got a call from Pender Veterinary Centre in Fairfax, Va. I've applied for a scholarship that they offer and it stipulates that you do your externship with their practice. Of course, I was a little wary (right word?) about that until i heard the whole offer. For 12 weeks you work as a full-time vet tech, getting paid $13 an hour! (more than i made at the station) AND they provide (completely provide) housing for the summer. hmmm..good pay, no rent and tons of experience...no thanks....<br />are you nuts?<br />Anyhow, I applied and got a call today asking me to come and visit the clinic and meet with the staff. I've already met one of the owners of the practice, he came and visited campus last thursday. If i get this scholarship...its gonna ROCK!<br />check out their website: <li><a href="http://www.pendervet.com/">Pender Veterinary Centre</a></li><br />it's literally three separately functioning practices housed in one building and all owned by the same people. It's HUGE and they have all the latest toys. :)<br />They've got an exotics practice, a regular dog/cat practice and an emergency hospital.<br />i'm excited just to visit there...can't you tell?hipppychickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00370644793494341780noreply@blogger.com0